AAHESGIT-127: Holding Babies vs. Terrorism, Grief

(10/19/01 AAHESGIT #127. Approx. 2 pages from me.

Two weeks ago I took my first flight since 9/11 - a trip to Detroit and back to DC. My travel agent had summed it up a few days earlier: "It's been terrible. Most of my clients are canceling trips. But I don't think they're afraid of flying. I think they're more worried about being caught away from home when something else happens." I wasn't especially nervous about security, but all of us in the Dulles airport were intensely aware of what had happened to a flight that began there early in the day of the 11th. Most of us were still trying to work our way out of a fog of rage, fear, sadness, and confusion - and many of us still are.

But then I noticed a young couple traveling with a baby - obviously their first. While we were all nervously fidgeting in the waiting area, they were going through the motions typical of fascinated new parents. I still have a picture in my mind of each of them swooping the baby high in the air and bringing him/her(?) back down and getting some of those wonderful baby smiles and giggles. There is no happier sound. More of the same during the flight. It helped all of us feel more comfortable and even enjoy our travel a little.

Laughter and love are a wonderful combination anytime, anywhere. Now, especially, we need as much of each as we can get. Here is an excerpt from an earlier AAHESGIT posting of mine about "holding babies" that might be relevant today:

"It is hard to imagine someone going from holding a baby to doing violence to another human being. It is hard to imagine going from holding a baby to making a decision to diminish the lives of other people. It is easy to imagine that, over the years, those who hold the babies -- and the babies who get held --feel strong bonds to the institution that held them both."

You'll find more excerpts below, and the complete text and even more related material at: <http://www.tltgroup.org/Share/CopingTerrorismGrief.htm>

A live Webcast-interview session on related topics with Edward Hallowell and Patti Briggs will take place at 4:30pm EST TODAY October 19, 2001. For more information and logon instructions go to: <http://www.tltgroup.org/calendar/interviews2001.htm>

I hope you will be able to join us and that this will help, even a little.)

Steve Gilbert =============================================

Holding Babies.- and other Near Life Experiences

Excerpts from AAHESGIT Posting by Steven W. Gilbert, June 18, 1996

A few days ago my younger brother sent me a photo of him holding his first child, now 3 weeks old. It was remarkably similar to a picture of me holding my first son, now 20 years old. So I've been thinking again of "near- life experiences," this "holding babies" story, and trying to understand why it keeps coming back into my mind when I try to help people use information technology more effectively in education.

... On the first day of a school/college conference I happened to sit next to a women who was director of the upper school (grades 9-12) of a well-known private independent school in New England. After our mutual introductions, I recalled that I had done some consulting at that school many years ago, and asked about any recent major changes. She answered that they had just added a pre-school. When I asked how "pre" that pre-school was, she explained that they were offering some daycare, and that the youngest "student" was 6 weeks old! As we talked further, I asked if adding the pre-school was having any unexpected effects.

She said, "I've discovered that whenever I notice an upper school student who seems a bit mopey and sad, I can ask that student to go 'help' in the pre-school with the youngest children. After a few minutes of holding a baby, the older students feel better. When they return to their regular activities and responsibilities, they're less upset and better able to cope with the usual pressures of adolescence."

As I notice more books and stories about "near death experiences," I've been wondering if we might have more to gain from paying attention to "near life experiences" -- to being around babies. Holding a baby offers a link to our deepest feelings of trust, hope, and human potential. Babies trust completely. Every baby offers the promise of making the world a better place. Except in the most depraved circumstances, when you hold a baby and focus on this new human being you have to regain at least a fleeting sense of hope for what life might be about.

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